"Once you realize the power of focused human effort coalesced by writing or conversation, you will learn that being a person in charge of your life is the best gift you can give to everyone and everything you care about." -Deb Helfrich
Writing has always been my chosen avenue of expression. Journaling my way through life has taken me to many far away places and provided opportunities to get to know many new faces. I write with the intention of sharing these little snippets of experience...Some are joyful...and some are painful.
In every instance however, it is my intention to provide insight not only for myself, but also to strike a deep chord within the reader. Often times, it is the reader who reaches back to me with a little nugget of wisdom of their own as a gesture of friendship and guidance.
One such reader and fellow writer is Deb Helfrich. Many of you know her as the "Insight Connoisseur." She is most certainly that, and much much more. She swooped into my world via social media and managed to peel back the covers I had thrown over my head in an effort to hide away from the world.
She whipped open the shades to let the light in. A moment of impact that has shifted the trajectory of my thoughts and my world. She too, was in a place of solitude. As we began to help each other rise up from the depths of the well, we embarked on a journey together... lighting candles in the dark.
Just getting out of bed in the morning had been a chore. Not that I didn't have things to do. Getting my daughter off to school and my spouse off to work was a daily ritual that I had continued to do on auto-pilot, even as I fielded all of the other curve balls life was hurling at me in dealing with a care plan for my father in his final days. By the time he passed, I was plum worn out.
The alarm sounds...Shit! Not again...I just fell asleep for Gods' sake! I can hear the whooooshing sounds of my heart throbbing in my ears as I drag myself into the shower. My thoughts scattered throughout my exhausted brain..."I don't want to do this anymore daddy. How can I be only fifty-three years old and feel so completely wiped out? Don't even bother taking your blood pressure 'cause it ain't pretty!"
I was slowly trying to get back to business and begin seeing clients again after having taken some time off to focus on caring for my dad. Problem is...I really did not want to see anyone. I did it of course...These folks had been waiting patiently in the wings to see me, but I was emotionally numb. My first client was the last one I saw before I took time off.
"It's a real wonderful Life" moment when George Bailey is shown just how much of an impact he has on those around him. This young lady was my Clarence.
I walk into my office and lean over her on the massage table. The moment our eyes meet she bursts into tears. "I missed you!" I feel a surge of pain rush straight through my heart and lodge itself in the back of my throat. It is choking me BACK to life...if there is such a thing. "It's a real wonderful Life" moment when George Bailey is shown just how much of an impact he has on those around him. This young lady was my Clarence.
"Ohh, I'm sorry hon...But I did give your mom the name of another therapist for you while I was away. She looks me square in the eye..."I don't want another therapist, I want you." She is one of my sickest patients, and very much in need of regular physical therapy. I knew if she had not been receiving therapy for the last several weeks she must have been in terrible pain.
Dang...That lump in my throat just became an unidentified flying object. It shot out of me so fast it was like she performed some sort of emotional Heimlich maneuver! In that moment of impact, I realized I needed her as much as she needed me.
Knowing how something is...is not the same as knowing how something "feels." This is the illusion we are all struggling with in our quest at being human...Emotions are so strong. What we see is not necessarily in alignment with what we feel. When we feel love, it is like being jolted back to life. When the heart stops beating it is love that breathes us back to life.
This must be what it feels like when the doctor reaches into your chest and holds your heart in their hands...caressing it, squeezing it...coaxing it back to life. A sudden gasp of air and you are breathing...Like being slapped on the ass the moment you are born...Moments of impact that bring us to life...None of which is possible without the power of love. We hold the future in our hands...Teach them love.
Children are the perfect example of how we should be living our lives. They do not judge each other by the color of their skin, or who their parents are. Whether they are black or white, male or female...or some variation of both. They are accepting of life in all it's diversity. They learn from each other and share their experiences expecting nothing in return.
I can honestly say that I love who I am and love what I do. I always saw myself as someone playing the role of helping others. In doing so, it has provided me with a unique perspective on the obstacles that occur in my life that I find challenging to overcome. Rather than seeing life as a series of events that happen TO me, I am beginning to look upon them as opportunities happening FOR me in terms of growing into and recognizing my true self.
It is all a process meant to keep us moving forward with the flow of life. Everything else is water under the bridge. We are a well-spring of experiences with knowledge to be shared...And much like the promise of the "Cracker Jack Box," there is a hidden treasure at the bottom of every well;-) We can choose to let it drag us under, or we can choose to let it set us free.